By utilizing the alternative process of chemigrams, I created a body of abstract to semi-abstract images that acted as metaphors for my emotions. The text present throughout the work acts as a philosophical framework, taking the shape of a self-loathing conversation occurring in my own head. At times, the text raises questions that reflect my own insecurities; insecurities that have mostly been created from the systems involved in my upbringing. Many of these insecurities end up being centered around the patriarchal norms surrounding masculinity. For example, the perceived need to present yourself as strong, and unaffected by emotions. I use archival images as a way to represent my younger, more innocent self. In heavy contrast to the text as well as the other images, they represent a version of me that didn't feel the need to conform to the norms, a version of me yet to be exposed to the pain encountered later in life. In a similar way, the small booklet found in the first few pages titled, The Dot, also acts as a marker for my younger self. Instead of representing innocence, this small booklet felt like it encapsulated a sort of trauma. It ends with the dot getting lost in the darkness, a depressing conclusion if I had to say, but after the small booklet is closed and the page is turned, that's when the book actually begins. I don't see that darkness as being the end, I see it more as a prelude to what comes after. The two vertical self portraits displayed in and along with the book are meant to represent my self-loathing and the toll it has taken on my life and relationships. The single displayed color image of the hand represents the literal and emotional pain that I have inflicted on myself and others over the years because of my self-loathing. Finally the last image displayed: a blurry self portrait taken through a focusing prism which is also out of focus. This image represents the way in which photography is being used as a way for me to confront emotions from the past and attempt to heal from this trauma. Throughout the entire project I utilize the motif of stars, the moon and space to reinforce the existential nature of the idea that in the end, even the pain was beautiful.